Dispatches from North Dakota II: Do’s and Don’ts
[Ed. note: This is DJ's second guest post about his summer gig in North Dakota. His first post is here.]
Should you ever find yourself playing guitar in a country-western-musical-spectacular in Medora, North Dakota, I have provided you a list of do’s and don’ts for living and working here on the Edge of the West. I hope it comes in handy.
- DO hold on tightly if you’re in a wagon pulled by a team of six massive horses in the annual Independence Day Parade. Try to throw handfuls of candy to eager lookers-on, but remember that you also don’t want to die by horse trampling.
- DON’T forget to look down when you’re walking anywhere in Medora. Horses are not potty trained.
- DO pace yourself. There are 94 shows this season. Saying “76 shows to go!” helps no one.
- DON’T expect a peep from your audience after playing a song at the Pitchfork Steak Fondue. The patrons have mouthfuls of fried meat and their hands are occupied trying to keep their plates from blowing away in the 25 mile per hour winds.
- DO allow yourself a moderate window of bathroom time after eating at the Chuckwagon Buffet.
- DON’T let overzealous farmers crush your hand during meet-and-greet after the show.
- DO keep your eye on the sky. A rainout means a paid night off and a much-needed mental break. El Niño is your friend.
- DON’T get too excited about approaching weather. Rainouts rarely occur more than three or four times a summer.
- DO remember to smile during the show. If you have trouble, remember your friends who are stuck in cubicles all day.
- DON’T look back at your drummer every time he makes a small mistake during the show. This makes him testy.
- DO avoid looking back at your drummer if you make a mistake. He will be laughing at you.
- DON’T touch or provoke the bison. They are large, fast, cantankerous, wild beasts.
- DO create some distractions for yourself. Perhaps put on a concert with your rock band Brother Big Bad?
- DON’T complain about doing one 2-hour show EVERY night to someone who works 60+ hours a week for a small hourly wage.
- DO remember your sunscreen when you perform a couple of hours’ worth of rockabilly music you put together the night before for the annual Medora Car Show. When you roll up your sleeves to look like a 50’s greaser, you expose your pasty white biceps to the sun’s harmful UV rays.
- DON’T be alarmed when a man dressed as General Custer introduces your performance at a promotional event. He will most likely talk to you about how he always had a band with his military regiment. Smile and nod. Smile and nod.
- DO make friends with the variety acts that are featured in the show. Knowing acrobats, jugglers and comedians is handier than you might think.
- DON’T get upset when a member of the audience asks you what you really do for a living.
- DO spend some time thinking about what you’re going to do next. September comes quickly and you’ll still have bills to pay.
- DON’T dwell on the fact that your cowboy costume has a bib. It’s authentic. Right?
- DO hang out at the mezzanine level each night before the show. It’s boring and stifling in the dressing rooms, plus you get a discount on snacks!
- DON’T take yourself too seriously. There is a giant teddy bear in the show.
