Dormology Chapter 2: How to be a Roommate

[Series Table of Contents: The Fool's Guide to Dormology]

Chapter 2: How to be a Roommate

By: David, Intern to the Stars

I have found that it is in your best interest to be a good roommate. Often by being a good roommate, you will encourage your roomie to do the same, thereby creating an atmosphere of mutual goodness crucial to enjoying dorm life. During my freshman year, this is the kind of relationship I had with my roommate. We never really spoke, aside from the occasional “where are the paper towels?” but the mutual respect made dorm life quite pleasant.

Of course, there are other times when one might prefer to be a bad roommate. For instance, being a bad roommate can be the perfect passive-aggressive approach to convincing your roommate to move out.

I have three friends–let’s call them the powderpuff girls–who used this approach quite successfully. The powderpuffs were living in a suite-style dorm, which means two rooms are connected by one bathroom. Thus, one dorm room has four occupants, rather than just two.

These three girls requested to live together but were placed with another girl they didn’t know. They wanted to get rid of that girl. So they each played the “bad roommate” card (see the second list below). The fourth wheel simply couldn’t take living with three bad roommates and moved out. I’m not saying it was right, but it was a great victory for the powderpuffs.

Because different situations call for different responses, I have created two lists. The first will help you to be a good roommate. The second will provide tips on being a bad roommate. Use the one that suits you best.

How to Be a Good Roommate:

1. Shower. Body odor is generally quite undesirable in a roommate.
2. Do your laundry. The reasoning behind this is similar to the reasoning in #1.
3. Buy some headphones. When sharing a room, headphones not only provide an escape from the noise of your roommate, but they also prevent you from being the obnoxious noise maker.
4. Learn the appropriate time and place for long and intense telephone conversations. Hint: your dorm room is not the place and the middle of the night is not the time.
5. Smile. But not too much. That would be weird.
6. Wash your dishes rather than leaving them in the sink or elsewhere to attract bugs and create foul stenches.
7. Take out the trash on occasion.
8. Plan to go out of town every now and then.
9. Try not to wake up Roomsie when you come in late.
10. Don’t tell your roommate when you begin to notice their “freshman 15” happening.

How to Be a Bad Roommate:

1. Get a boyfriend or girlfriend.
2. Spend the majority of your time in the dorm talking sappy with your significant other. This can take place either over the telephone or in person.
3. Borrow your roommate’s stuff, specifically food items and hygiene products.
4. Party hard. Every night.
5. Invite someone to move in with you for a while.
6. Secretly tell your RA whenever your roommate breaks a dorm rule.
7. If your clothes are dirty, feel free to wear your roommate’s.
8. Follow your roomie when he/she leaves the room.
9. If you break something that belongs to your roommate, quickly hide or dispose of it.
10. During times of boredom, read your roommate’s mail or journal.