Should you ever find yourself playing guitar in a country-western-musical-spectacular in Medora, North Dakota, I have provided you a list of do’s and don’ts for living and working here on the Edge of the West. I hope it comes in handy.

• DO hold on tightly if you’re in a wagon pulled by a team of six massive horses in the annual Independence Day Parade. Try to throw handfuls of candy to eager lookers-on, but remember that you also don’t want to die by horse trampling.
• DON’T forget to look down when you’re walking anywhere in Medora. Horses are not potty trained.
• DO pace yourself. There are 94 shows this season. Saying “76 shows to go!” helps no one.
• DON’T expect a peep from your audience after playing a song at the Pitchfork Steak Fondue. The patrons have mouthfuls of fried meat and their hands are occupied trying to keep their plates from blowing away in the 25 mile per hour winds.
• DO allow yourself a moderate window of bathroom time after eating at the Chuckwagon Buffet.
• DON’T let overzealous farmers crush your hand during meet-and-greet after the show.
• DO keep your eye on the sky. A rainout means a paid night off and a much-needed mental break. El Niño is your friend.
• DON’T get too excited about approaching weather. Rainouts rarely occur more than three or four times a summer.
• DO remember to smile during the show. If you have trouble, remember your friends who are stuck in cubicles all day.
• DON’T look back at your drummer every time he makes a small mistake during the show. This makes him testy.
• DO avoid looking back at your drummer if you make a mistake. He will be laughing at you.
• DON’T touch or provoke the bison. They are large, fast, cantankerous, wild beasts.
• DO create some distractions for yourself. Perhaps put on a concert with your rock band Brother Big Bad?
• DON’T complain about doing one 2-hour show EVERY night to someone who works 60+ hours a week for a small hourly wage.
• DO remember your sunscreen when you perform a couple of hours’ worth of rockabilly music you put together the night before for the annual Medora Car Show. When you roll up your sleeves to look like a 50’s greaser, you expose your pasty white biceps to the sun’s harmful UV rays.
• DON’T be alarmed when a man dressed as General Custer introduces your performance at a promotional event. He will most likely talk to you about how he always had a band with his military regiment. Smile and nod. Smile and nod.
• DO make friends with the variety acts that are featured in the show. Knowing acrobats, jugglers and comedians is handier than you might think.
• DON’T get upset when a member of the audience asks you what you really do for a living.
• DO spend some time thinking about what you’re going to do next. September comes quickly and you’ll still have bills to pay.
• DON’T dwell on the fact that your cowboy costume has a bib. It’s authentic. Right?
• DO hang out at the mezzanine level each night before the show. It’s boring and stifling in the dressing rooms, plus you get a discount on snacks!
• DON’T take yourself too seriously. There is a giant teddy bear in the show.

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To many citizens, North Dakota is a mystery.

Not an intriguing “who’s-that-attractive-woman-giving-me-a-come-hither-look?” kind of mystery. More like a “what’s-this-unidentified-piece-of-food-stuck-between-my-lower-incisors?” kind of mystery.

People envision ND as a cultural wasteland where it snows all year-round and everyone walks around saying “you betcha.” In fact, disturbing amounts of people I have encountered base their entire understanding of the state from the movie Fargo.

The potential inaccuracy of that film notwithstanding, North Dakota is filled with oddities and idiosyncrasies.

But tucked away in the southwest corner of the state, beyond the prairies and the World’s Largest Holstein Cow is a magical hamlet filled with geological wonders and historical country-western themed musicals.

Medora, North Dakota.

And this is where we find our hero… ahem… me.

I’m DJ.

During the last decade or so, I have had the unparalleled opportunity to make my living primarily as a professional musician.

If you are a person who enjoys financial stability and security, a home and a hot dinner to return to each evening and/or a life free from the stench of unwashed bandmates, then this is not the occupation for you.

However, if you find yourself with an unwavering passion for your art, an itch to travel, openness to adventure and a willingness to laugh at yourself and your situation, then you might entertain the option.

It also helps to know how to play an instrument- although, sadly, this doesn’t appear to be a requirement for everyone. (I’m looking at you, Jonases.)

In 2001, when I was studying guitar as a freshman in college, I got a summer gig.

Playing music.

For money.

I was out of my mind with joy. I signed the contract, but I knew very little about the gig itself. I knew it was in North Dakota, a state I had yet to visit, but other than that, the details I had were sketchy at best.

I made the long trek through the Midwest, across the ND border and past the fields and field and fields and fields that accompanied my westerly path. Several hours into the state, flat plains begin roll and open up. But it’s not until about 5 miles before the exit for Medora that the bottom drops out and the North Dakota badlands make themselves known.

Eight years later that staggering view still makes my blood pump a little faster on my way into work.

The Show

Breathtaking as they may be, the badlands are just a backdrop for the Medora Musical. Every night from roughly Memorial Day through Labor Day, I put on my cowboy outfit and, along with the rest of the Coaldiggers live onstage band, I play breathless renditions of country classics and modern favorites while the Burning Hills Singers regale the audience with showchoir harmonies and synchronized dancing.

(cc) Flickr user minnemom

At this point you’re probably wondering if there’s someone in the show who portrays our nation’s 26th president, Theodore Roosevelt. Don’t worry, there is.

TR spent some two years out here in the 1880s and left an indelible impression on the area and its people.

So much so that a good portion of the second act of the Medora Musical is dedicated to an enthusiastic re-enactment of Teddy’s charge up San Juan Hill during the Mexican-American War.

Pyrotechnics. Horses. The works. BOOM.

All this followed by the inevitable patriotic finale, the goal of which is to have every single member of the audience leap to their feet and exclaim “I LOVE THIS ******* COUNTRY” as the mobile onstage set pieces slowly move apart to reveal a massive American flag.

Over the top? Perhaps. Who’s to say? The legions of people who flock to Medora each summer (and there are legions) seem to think it’s just what the doctor ordered. And who am I to argue?

For me, it’s just an excuse to play guitar and avoid growing up and getting one of those REAL jobs.

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